The Detoured Journey Diary (DJD 001)

This ends the 1^st week of my journey, back on the road to a better me.  I worked out with the trainer last night and I had so many mixed emotions.  I felt disappointed in myself, I felt defeated, I felt overwhelmed and I felt embarrassed.  He seems to be a person with plenty of patience’s, which eased me a little but still, I wasn’t motivated at all.  To top that off, I had the most stressful day I’ve had in a long time yesterday.  STRESS makes me EAT!  I was so conflicted on what to eat; my conscious and subconscious had an epic battle.  I like the KFC grilled chicken so I set off to get the 2piece white meat lunch box.  When I got there they didn’t have any grilled chicken ready and the wait was 20 minutes.  My conscious mind immediately told me to go to Buffalo Wild Wings and eat there, “its chicken”!  My subconscious said NO!  Then my mind told me to stop at McDonalds and get a Double Quarter Pounder, I haven’t had a Double Quarter Pounder in forever.  I must have been really, really stressed! My mind was trying to “de-stress” and I’ve programmed it to believe that food does that, helps it to de-stress.  I fought temptation and ended up with a small salad and roasted chicken from Schuncuks. 

While driving to the grocery store I thought hard about all the reasons I should not eat what I wanted and eat and what I needed.  I guess before, all the other times I tried to lose weight, I did not respect my conscious, enough to realize it is the primary reason I could not “WIN” before.  I often thought during the other attempts, why can’t I do this?  I’m motivated to go work out, I never mind going to work out.  Why can’t I stick to the diet plan!!??  I didn’t realize how powerful my mind was on persuading me to give it what it WANTS!  Now, my approach to losing weight has to be different, it has to be a mental battle between me, myself and I.  I have to find ways to deal with stress.  I realized yesterday, I can’t avoid stress, life is filled with it.  I have to learn how to manage it, when presented with it during my life.  If I continue to allow it to cause me to eat the way I have, I’ll end up killing myself.  The entire situation, kind of reminds me of “Fight Club” That’s what I’m in for a fight.  I realize some battles I may lose, but the war, this time around I am prepared to WIN!  Battle 1(yesterday stress attack, WON!)

Until Next Time, Love Someone.