OMG! OMG! We've Moved

OMG I'm so excited!! The Random Alignment of Life has moved to http://www.theraol.com/ - Please.  Please stop by the new website.  It has the same great insight(@ least I hope it is) from me along with some other really, really cool features.  Don't forget to follow us & like us on Facebook!! 

Thank everyone for their ongoing support!  I SOOOOOOO Appreciate it all!

To Think or Not to Think?

Ok, so have you realized that must times I ramble?  I mean I can ramble on for hours.  I think it depends on which circle of people you ask.  To some I'm just as scattered as a crazy person off their meds & to others, I might be a philosopher.  I'd like to think of myself as the latter. Not because it sounds cool, but for what it stands for, what it means.  To me being a philosopher means, questioning the "norm". It means, even evaluating the use of words like "normal" & "crazy".  To me it means being a free thinker.  It means being a person who can evaluate life on a conscious and sub-conscious level.  It means being a person who can comprehend what the books say, but also understand and read the realms of eternity, immortality just as clearly.  It’s the eternal quest, thirst for knowledge that draws me to philosophy.  I am humbled by the things I will never know. I search for those “unknown” things, even when I know they’re impossible to discover.  I do it in for the sake of helping to evolve humanity and its society into the sense of Utopia we can only dream about at this age of humanity. 

I think when I was younger I felt “ashamed” of who I was.  I’m sure I became a recluse, because the topics I wanted to discuss, the things I wanted to explore were not the average things people my age talked about.  Most times I felt like Michael J Fox in “Teen Wolf”.  Here I am with this secret, secret that may change the world around me, my friends and families view of me, so I have to hide it.  I have to hide who I truly am, because of the fear I had.  I was afraid to tell the people who should have understood me the most, the people who should have in theory been the most supportive or encouraging, that I like to “think” outside the box.  My heart & mind, wanted to scream it from the mountain top, but my current surroundings, reminded me that I lived in a valley.  A valley full of people who were so consumed with going in circles, that they wouldn’t even notice a “box” in or out side of it.  So I sat at the edge of the circle and peered at the box as often as I could.  I was lost.  I knew I wanted to “think” outside of the box, but living in a community of people who ran around in circles; there wasn’t anyone there to show me how to approach the “box”

 Looking back, I realize how easy it is to crush someone’s dreams.  Gosh, oh gosh.  How many people have ideas, desires, and awesome dreams only to watch them fizzle away, because no one to help them realize it, believe in it or encourage them.  Or maybe it’s the complete opposite there are people in your life who drain you emotionally and physically of the point that dreams, turn into despair.

I think I’m rambling again, I’ve lost my point.  What I was trying to get to is…….It’s never too late to DREAM!  Your dream never ever dies!  It’s just waiting on you to set it free.  Fly dream, fly!!

Until Next Time, Love Someone

Distorted Energy

Distorted Energy

A distortion is the alteration of the original shape (or other characteristic) of an object, image, sound, waveform or other form of information or representation. Distortion is usually unwanted, and often many methods are employed to minimize it in practice.

Have you ever evaluated a relationship with a person and wondered, am I allowing this person to distort my energy? I wonder how many people have spent years of their lives, wasting energy?  How many people haven’t realized that the current situation that they’re in is distorting their energy?  How many of you, men and women, understand that while you’re trying to hold on to that person, that it’s that very person who is the cause of your imbalance. 

What am I talking about?  Think about this, before you met him/her, unless you jumped right out of the frying pan, into the skillet were you happy?  Did you have goals, hobbies, talents, and dreams that you were entertaining?  Look at the simple things we take for granted, at some point in time were you taking peaceful walks in the park?  Did you ever spend hours at a time reading interesting books?  Were you the type to go play basketball with the fellows on a scheduled Tuesday night, or early Saturday morning?  Did you paint religiously on Sunday mornings, as a way of meditation and reflection on life?  Whatever it was that you did, since you’ve been in this relationship do you still do it?  Did you lose the desires to do those things and you aren’t even really sure when or why?  It’s because your life is distorted, your energy is distorted and you need to find the balance again, QUICK! 

How did this happen? Maybe it started with an argument of his/her where about?  Maybe it happens the first time you caught him/her in a lie?  I don’t know perhaps it happen after he/she got up out of bed in the middle of the night to answer the phone.  Maybe it started when he/she made a promise and didn’t keep it.  Maybe he/she sold you dreams, but they haven’t delivered those dreams.  Dreams that you put a down payment on, that you believed in and you don’t have enough emotional credit to deposit into anyone else, so you’re “praying” they deliver?  I just know you’ll know it happen when you “wake up” and realize, “I use to.”  If you find yourself saying what you “use” to do, without a valid reason as to why you don’t do it any more, other than time, it’s more than likely because of him/her.   

Before we realize it, we let people consume our thoughts, our lives.  It doesn’t matter if we’re checking their Facebook page every day, that’s time spent distorted.  What if watching their cell phones like vultures every day, waiting on him or her to leave it for a minute, so we can attach it, that’s distortion.  Maybe you’re calling them every 20 minutes to determine where they are.  Some of us know where they are, because we follow them, that’s distortions.  Others may just wait to they return home to question them like you’re the detective on a hit drama show on NBC.  You may even find yourself trying to force him or her to be with you, showing up at their job with “lunch.” You may insist on cooking them dinner, washing their car?  You might agree to pick them up from work and drop them off since their car is down, even though any other time you wouldn’t see him/her?  Or you’re the one that’s offering to help with bills, to pick up the bad ass kids from daycare.  You might be the one who gives her money to put food in the house, in hopes to get invited to the house? 

There are plenty of ways; relationships can “distort” our energy, causing us to forget about the things that make us unique.  We forget about whom we are, who we want to be, all in hopes that the other person will want to be with us.  While all these things are taking place, you are losing yourself.  You are forgetting about you.  You are distorting your energy.  You can’t hoop with the boys because you chasing after her, to make sure she not with that dude you caught her texting last week.  You can’t start that boot camp you wanted to because he’ll be upset if you aren’t there when he gets home.  It’s a million and one reasons we use as to why we can’t, why we’ve stopped or why we’ll pick it back up, but the #1 reason is the distortion of our pure energy. 

A relationship isn’t meant to be a distortion of energy, it’s meant to be a preserver, a giver of life a balance of chi.  If you find yourself, losing yourself, who you had planned to be, who you were on course to be, who you want to be, being lost because of the current relationship, you may want to rethink that relationship.  Think about who’s important to you, what you’re giving up and who’s the person you’re willing to sacrifice it all for.  A relationship should never devalue your worth, only increase it.

Until Next Time, Love Someone

Eye of the Storm

All the tornados recently have caused me to think.  When we think of the “eye” of the storm, we think about the most dangerous place of the storm.  If the “eye” heads our way, we all run for cover.  Many of us find our way to shelter.  We respect its presence and take cover, praying until we’re sure it has past.  It is the deadliest part of the storm, consuming all in its path.  The “eye” doesn’t recognize what’s in its path.  It doesn’t distinguish who’s in its path; it just rips through towns, leaving only sketches of civilization. 

If you know anything about me, you know I absolutely love looking at the History Channel. I can stay glued for hours looking @ Archaeologist “Rock Star” Dr. Hawass, on “Chasing Mummies”.  While others are off @ the mall, talking to girlfriends, snuggled with lovers or looking at sports, I’m reading or watching programs on history.  Seeing the disaster in Joplin, MO reminds me of watching programs on discovering ancient civilizations where the people seem to have picked up and left without a trace. I so get it now, I so get why some people, left their homes, left the places they bore children, raised a family and thrived.  The Archaeologist unearths pottery, utensils, clothes, etc as they try to piece together our ancestor’s lives. Seeing the devastation in Joplin, I can clearly see those people picking up the pieces and leaving, never to return, leaving Joplin to become the manifestation of a Mad Max movie scene.  I can not image the journey those people have to rebuild any sense of their lives.  My heart goes out to them.

I got to thinking, was I an “Eye”, and am I the “eye” in my relationship.  Have I destroyed fruitful relationships, only to leave the horrible memories of disaster? Am I the “Beautiful Storm?” My initial response was “NO” it has never been me, I’ve never been the person to destroy my relationship.  I’ve always, always been the one to nurture the relationship, playing the part of an Architect, not the Tornado.  I’ve been the one to build the relationship up, giving the guy everything he needs to feel secure in our relationship I’ve played the role of the “woman” and I did it very well, damn it!  So I thought.  I then thought, yes, I guess I have been the Architect, like the one from “The Matrix” to a certain degree.  Realizing the part I’ve played in destroying my past relationships has allowed me to humble myself.  I’m drunk on reality and will need a moment to soak it all in.  I am “A Beautiful Disaster” Are you?  Have you ever been?

I guess at the end of the day, I should take responsibility for my actions.  I need to reevaluate what has caused me to behave that way and determine what part I tend to play in my relationships going forward. 

This is going to have to be continued………….

Until Next Time, Love Someone

Aint I a Woman - Excerpt

Aint I a Woman, Aint I,

Aint I a Woman,

Don't I bear the burdens of my mother Eve each time I bleed?

I hemorrhage the exact agony of Mary

At the execution of a promising seed,

Even if I haven't received whispers from angels & conceived,

Conceived enlighten in my womb,

It’s a temple where pilgrimages should resume,

Circle my center seven times, kneel down & pray,

Praise my divine ability to carry humanity

Instead scientists try to replicate its mystical ways,

To eliminate the need for women,

As if we human waste,

Cloning of Dolly numbered our days, ..............

Unitl Next Time, Love Someone

The Detoured Journey Diary (DJD 001)

This ends the 1^st week of my journey, back on the road to a better me.  I worked out with the trainer last night and I had so many mixed emotions.  I felt disappointed in myself, I felt defeated, I felt overwhelmed and I felt embarrassed.  He seems to be a person with plenty of patience’s, which eased me a little but still, I wasn’t motivated at all.  To top that off, I had the most stressful day I’ve had in a long time yesterday.  STRESS makes me EAT!  I was so conflicted on what to eat; my conscious and subconscious had an epic battle.  I like the KFC grilled chicken so I set off to get the 2piece white meat lunch box.  When I got there they didn’t have any grilled chicken ready and the wait was 20 minutes.  My conscious mind immediately told me to go to Buffalo Wild Wings and eat there, “its chicken”!  My subconscious said NO!  Then my mind told me to stop at McDonalds and get a Double Quarter Pounder, I haven’t had a Double Quarter Pounder in forever.  I must have been really, really stressed! My mind was trying to “de-stress” and I’ve programmed it to believe that food does that, helps it to de-stress.  I fought temptation and ended up with a small salad and roasted chicken from Schuncuks. 

While driving to the grocery store I thought hard about all the reasons I should not eat what I wanted and eat and what I needed.  I guess before, all the other times I tried to lose weight, I did not respect my conscious, enough to realize it is the primary reason I could not “WIN” before.  I often thought during the other attempts, why can’t I do this?  I’m motivated to go work out, I never mind going to work out.  Why can’t I stick to the diet plan!!??  I didn’t realize how powerful my mind was on persuading me to give it what it WANTS!  Now, my approach to losing weight has to be different, it has to be a mental battle between me, myself and I.  I have to find ways to deal with stress.  I realized yesterday, I can’t avoid stress, life is filled with it.  I have to learn how to manage it, when presented with it during my life.  If I continue to allow it to cause me to eat the way I have, I’ll end up killing myself.  The entire situation, kind of reminds me of “Fight Club” That’s what I’m in for a fight.  I realize some battles I may lose, but the war, this time around I am prepared to WIN!  Battle 1(yesterday stress attack, WON!)

Until Next Time, Love Someone.

The Detoured Journey

Sometimes when we take journeys, well most times, we have rest stops, detours and even delays.  Some journeys seem so long that we are afraid to take them.  There’s rough terrain, there’s blizzards, iced roads, blinding storms, Tsunamis and even Tornados on some of the paths.  At times, we’ve told ourselves we can't take them and there are the other's we've said we just "won't" take them!  I don't know which is more difficult, starting the journey, re-starting after extended delays or traveling alone? 

I'm on a journey, a journey I've been on for several years now, my weight loss journey.  Listen when I first started back in 2009, I was serious, I took my work out gear to work every day, went to our gym without waiver and I worked out.  I wasn't losing the weight I wanted to lose, so I got discouraged.  I also got distracted by life events I had not planned for, so I came to an extended rest stop during this journey.  About eight months later I dusted my tennis shoes off and headed back out on the journey with renewed confidence that I will reach my destination.  In the time at the rest stop I had realized I wasn't eating right, which was the cause of me not getting the results I wanted, even though I was “working out”.  I armed myself with that knowledge, along with being inspired by the weight loss of a friend; I joined a "Boot Camp"!  I was ready, knew what I had to do, exercise and eat right, I was full steam ahead.  The unexpected happen again, I started getting sick, which caused me to miss days and not eat right (at least I used the sickness as an excuse).  Guess what, another detour, I continued to work out when I could, but I had lost focus on the eating right part.  I had lost about 20 pounds in the process, but had such a long way to go on this journey that 20 pounds didn't seem like an awful lot to me. I was not happy with my progress.  A few months later, I got my mind right, got over the illness and was ready once again to charge ahead with my weight loss.  When I was finally ready to go back, I ran into another detour, the trainer I was working out with, left to pursue other goals.  Ok, now we're in May of 2011, my trainer has left, I haven't been eating right and I’m so unhappy with my physical image I can vomit when I look at myself.  I wondered, do I give up, do I make excuses or do I keep trying?

I KEEP TRYING!  As of today I have signed up with a fitness camp, I know what my diet should consist of and I'm making progress to develop mental toughness towards the foods that I'm weak for.  I am determined to take one day at a time, one meal at a time, one class at a time, one pound at a time and one victory at a time.

I'm not sure if you're ready, but if you want, come take the journey with me.  Every week I will update my progress, I'll blog about my eating habits, I'll update my weight loss every 5 weeks(that's how often I weigh in with the Trainer), I'll talk about the triggers that make me want to eat and how I overcame them.  If you want to share at any time please do.  Rather alone or with company we, you, can achieve this goal, regardless of how many attempts there have been in the past, we must keep trying!

So I'm going to post pictures of me every 5 weeks.  The first one being one of the pictures I am most embarrassed of, the before picture. :(

 Come on, join this revolution!

Me @ 1 of my BFFs wedding! The dreaded before picture

Unit Next Time, Love Someone