I’ve lived my life sedated, almost as long as the life expectancy of an African American male, living in the inner cities of Chicago or St. Louis
When your life is filled with harsh realities, a shattered heart, abandoned promises and dreams that seem like the Loch Nest Monster, appearing all too real to you, but never captured, never realized, you tend to try and find a way to cope. You cope with your “drug” of choice; it can be sex, restricted drugs, illegal drugs, food and alcohol, gambling or even shopping. It’s interesting, as family and friends, we can clearly identify the junkie or alcoholic. We spot their pain, because they wear it like a Susan Komen, “pink ribbon.” With every slurred word, the mysterious absences at family events, every belligerent argument, the unexplained withdrawal, the aggressive stench that waffles through the air, each time they move or even the missing household items, we begin to put the peaces together. How many of us recognize by the number of shoes, their girlfriend, daughter, or mother bought last week, that they too are living life sedated? How many of us, can identify the baggage our love ones carry around by the number of reese peanut butter cups they eat? Did we ever stop to think that the “need” to remodel the house, wasn’t about an upgrade, but a cover-up? What about, this seems to be girlfriend number 14, in two months for your cousin or brother? Today we have support groups for almost any “condition” that can offer us direction and support on the road to recovery. We also need the love, understanding and patiences of our loved ones.
Which one was my form of sedation, you ask? A relationship! A relationship with a man, who could not love me like I deserved. I knew he couldn’t when I started the relationship, but that’s the sedation. I decided it would be easier to have a relationship with a man who I knew couldn’t love me, versus, facing the possibilities, of true love. To me taking the chance on love, meant being vulnerable, meant the chance of being hurt and I just couldn’t live with the thought of being hurt, so I sedated.
A sedated reality, doesn’t mean freedom, happiness or safety, it means isolation. Trotting through life numb, isn’t LIFE at all, it’s a shallow existence, filled with loneliness, illusions of grandeur, without the cast or crew to create the colorful memoirs of your life. In stead of walking, “The Green Mile” for the rest of my life, I’ve decided to experiences LIFE! I’ve taken a pledge and you can too. You aren’t alone! Today is a great day, to reclaim your personal best.
“I pledge an allegiance to Life and all it has to offer! I will remove the cloak I’ve placed over my heart, and replace it with the rays of divine possibilities. I shall forever be in pursuit of living my dreams OUT LOUD, through love, life, family and friends!”
What about you? What’s your sedation? Are you ready to take the pledge? What's standing in the way?
Here's some great places to start, learn and maybe seek support:
Alcohol = http://www.aa.org/?Media=PlayFlash
Drug = http://www.na.org/
Until Next Time, Love Someone!
I am eternally grateful to the Creator (whoever She is) for blessing me in the past year and three months. I was going through life just as Kizzy says, though for me, it resonates as a zombie, not as being sedated (but, same thing). I fervently hope that those who don't feel they've been blessed will, one day, realize that WE ALL ARE, just that they don't know it yet.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Marcus, you're so right, it's there, that Big Dream, just waiting on the person, to seek it out!
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